So much of life is about sharing: we learn from those around us by listening to their stories, and we share our own experiences and feelings in the same way. Without sharing, life gets lonely. This blog isn't about confessions, but self-realizations, and sharing the ups and downs I experience. This is the attitude with which I write this post:
This past week has been very emotionally stressful. Nothing in my life has changed drastically, just a steady trickle of realizations and building disappointments, slowly developing into a discouraging frustration. I feel like I'm being bludgeoned by Life.
Trying to cope with this, I have turned to all my usual methods of regaining balance and peace in my life - I have an incomplete, but well-rounded, list of all-things-happy that I keep stashed for just these occasions that are nearly guaranteed to make life a little more bearable. Listening to John Denver, going hiking, dancing in the rain, and drinking strawberry milk all helped begin to ease my troubled mind. I took time to read journals from Jerusalem and Fiji, and thought back to all the great friends I've made from my time at BYU. I read this past blog entry, and after all this realized that in my desire to be accepted and found likable, I've slowly been covering up the real me: the quirks, the shortcomings, the nuances that make me unique. I've wanted so much to find friends, to be accepted and loved, that I've become a stagnant, flat shadow of who I once was, lacking depth and dimension.
I cannot continue to be a shadow in my own life. My planned solution? I'm going to work on building some self-confidence. I want to be myself, to feel comfortable with who I am and confident that I am good enough.
Here's to a better tomorrow.
How I wish I could come by and take you to 31 flavors to grab an ice cream cone. Or go to sweet cakes and eat a delicious sugar cookie. Sweet girl, I love and admire you so much. Your ability to see good in others, your acceptance of differences, and I appreciate so much your kindness and friendship to my daughter Paige. She looks up to you as a woman of faith and as a woman who lets others be themselves. You're in my thoughts - may the Lord bless you with peace, comfort, and know many of us are behind you. You're amazing!!!
ReplyDeleteOh my beautiful, delightful girl you just need to see what everyone around you sees! I don't know who wrote the following, but it gives me comfort every time I read it:
ReplyDeleteMay today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.
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Love you dearly!